Anxiously clutching rosary beads in my hand, I walked through the quiet church. Every one of my movement possessed a certain gravitas in the still of this sacred space. This was the church of my boyhood; I had gone to school here, learned my catechism, grown up here, and lost my faith here.

I stood quietly at the foot of the statue of the Virgin mother. I have been a student, a scientist, a doctor, some would say a scholar at times. But here, in this place I was a penitent asking for grace.

In this internal and external space, I felt my energy release.

I wept openly.


There are several expressions.

“We don’t know what we don’t know.”
“We are blind to our own problems.”
“It’s hard to see when you are in the middle of it.”

These are a few common aphorisms that transcend language and culture; The instinctual acknolweldgement of the limits of our perspective coming from our mortal origins.

One of the biggest clinical challenge I have is when someone cannot understand that their lifestyle, fears, and beliefs is the source of their pathology.

That chronic disorders, debilitating pain, lack of healing can comes from a belief structure not rooted in truth but in fear.

If the mind believes something to be true then it will be expressed as truth in their reality. Physical reality starts first in the body. They are a locked self contained black box. Not aware of what they don’t know.


A question, “Why does one meditate?”

There are several answers but one popular response is that it “quiets the mind.” Although a great answer my follow up question is always

“Toward what end?”

There is an esoteric framework that we all hold reverent when practicing traditional spiritual practices. Their ways and promised outcomes we hold sacrosanct and beyond question. After devoting my adult life to studying such phenomena, I have developed a certain amount of pragmatism concerning everything.

The most desirable quality in any and all of my personal practices is efficacy coupled with efficiency.

I need it to work.
I need my efforts to affect a desireable change.

Thinking in the black box does not do this.
The self contained system is self referential.


I posed this question to my friend, Ken, a highly gifted intuitive and one of the few people I have met who has used their gift to live a very comfortable life. Ken, once a civil servant, started developmenting his intuitive skills in adulthodd and began using his insights and impressions in both his investments in stocks and real estate. Coming from a relatively small humble start, he has reached a point in his life where he has amassed a considerable amount of wealth.

He told me the reason he meditates is to see things that is hidden from his mortal perspective. The goal of his meditation is reaching a particular point of resonance where he feels connected to the universe (or the collective unconscious). In that space he opens himself (asks) for information and insight.

This is a far cry and much different practice than thinking about nothing and performing triangle pose. Ken is explicitly connecting to the source with the intent of transcending his small self to connect to the larger Self.


Our lives are on a path created by our lives up to this point.
The readjustments and recalibrations of this path are continually made but solely by our own manipulation of information.

As I’ve already described, some people are on paths of pain, suffering, and misery that are caused by misinformation. Their recalibrations are based on a narrative that has perpetuated illness. Although I can provide information to help them to change their course, their cognitive filter can also be altered by fear, ignorance, weariness, and closed energy


As I sat weeping in the church, I could feel the weight of the intents imparted into this space, the collective reverance, my own connection, hit me strongly. In that moment, my personal moment connection, I asked to be given grace.

Grace isn’t a particularly Catholic or Christian term, it is the invitation of our larger essence into our lives. When we set an intention for something good to come into our lives, we are asking for enormity of what we are to channel into our existence for our to receive our hearts longing.

This is grace.

My friend Ken had shown me that meditation was more than ‘thinking about nothing.’ It was an invitation for the cosmos, universe, God consciousness, collective unconscious, God, Allah, Ascended masters, angels, whatever, to come into our lives to provide special insight and wisdom.

If the overt spirituality of this is disagreeable, then we call call it the subconscious or collective mind. Whatever the case, when we are lost, feeling powerless, or just completely confused about our life path, journey, this is a good moment to ask for:

The spiritual non-sequitor.

Insight that comes from “left field,”

Something beyond the black box of our body, of our community, of our humanity, of our known world, to come grace us with energy and a glimpse of our divinity.


In those moments of inhertied fear, doubt, anger, and uncertainty, I have made it my practice to take a deep breath and ask for help. The more I have been asking, the more I get a response. It’s been frankly wonderful but,

This takes practice.

Although a very powerful tool, it takes practice to,

Admit that you don’t know.
Surrender control.
Ask for wisdom.
Recognize the connection.

These blog post is my way of saying thank you for my gifts of grace.
These blogs are more than an invitation to you into something larger.
They are are reminders to recognize your connection.

Ernest Holmes, noted spiritual philosopher, once said,

“It is the nature of the Universe to give us what we are able to take.
It cannot give us more.
It has given all, we have not accepted the greater git.”

To receive more, sometimes you just have to ask for more.
Give an invitation and accept the invitation.
Reach out and you’ll be met halfway 


Emill (aka Dr. Kim).